October 28, 2012

Any Place You Want To Go, You Know I'll Be Next To You.

"There comes a day when you realize that turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize that there's so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on." - Zayn Malik

So, after a whirlwind and a 30 hour drive, the Fox clan has arrived safely in Texas.

We made the decision on Thursday at 7am, picked up the UHAUL at 10am, and left Massachusetts at 1pm.  We saw the sun set, rise, and set again, and pulled into our destination at 7pm last night.

I would like to personally thank Dunkin' Donuts, Rockstar Energy Drink, Five Hour Energy Drink and Twizzlers for making this trip possible.

TJ leaves for a 9 day road trip tonight.

I'm staying at a hotel and can hopefully move into our apartment tomorrow or Monday.

Under different circumstances I might be overwhelmed that he's leaving me to unpack our UHAUL and organize the entire apartment by myself (and I'd definitely nominate him for the My Husband Is Annoying award) but it's nice to be back in a city that we are familiar with, and I'm happy that we finally have a place to call home.

Let's go Brahmas.


October 22, 2012

Losing My Religion

This is a post that I've wanted to write for a few days now...but honestly? I'm afraid.

One topic that hasn't found it's way onto Travel Babbles yet is religion.
It's just so controversial, so personal, you know?

And I don't want to ruffle anyone's feathers,
but, I need advice.

The past few nights I've found myself wide awake at 3am,
staring at the ceiling and praying.

"Dear God, why is this happening..."

"Dear God, how are we going to pay our bills next month..."

"Dear God, help me figure out what our next move is supposed to be..."

I get three or four sentences into my prayers until I stop myself.
Is He listening? And if He is listening, why would He help me?

I mean, I'm not an axe murderer or anything,
but I certainly don't live the Christian lifestyle that was instilled in me
during my twelve years of Catholic education.

I haven't been to church in years, and I only seek Him out when I really need Him.
So why would He help me after I've turned my back on Him?

I feel completely hopeless...completely helpless...
and the only things that are keeping me together are faith and love.

But what exactly is faith?

For a long time I thought that hope and faith were one in the same, but they aren't.

Hope, in definition, is a feeling.

And what about faith? It's a belief in the unknown.

But the unknown is exactly what is causing me so much anxiety.

I've held on to hope for the past two weeks that things would work themselves out,
that the coaches who currently have TJ dangling on a shoe string
would get it together, and that we'd be on our way.

But that doesn't seem to be happening,
and it's been so stressful to go through such high's and low's each day.

We go from waking up in the morning half agreeing on retirement,
to then receive an email from TJ's Euro agent with interest from X team in Y league,
followed by a phone call five minutes later from a team here in the States,
to then see that a NHL player has taken that spot in Europe.

And don't even get me started on the fact that
there are technically only four spots on each team here because TJ is a vet,
and if we were to go to another team here in the U.S.,
it would most likely be to take someone else's job, which just happened to us.

Even though my only focus is on TJ,
there are dozens and dozens and dozens of them...
hockey players who are sitting at home,
hoping, and wishing, and praying, and trying to keep the faith.

He's half considered finding another job,
but what happens if that one team finally pulls through with their half-ass offer
and we're packing up the UHAUL...or boarding the plane to Europe tomorrow?

So I guess...what I want to know...is how to relax,
and how to truly accept that everything is in His hands?


October 16, 2012

10 Things That Almost Make Me Pee My Pants.

And because sometimes, laughter is the best medicine... 
or, the only medicine while your husband is unemployed and you have no health insurance...

Happy Monday!
What are you hoping to accomplish this week?


October 14, 2012

Just Throwing It Out There.

I love when I write raw posts like the one below, 
but then I feel boxed in.
I can't really go from writing about something so serious
to then write about glitter, rainbows, and sunshine,
ya know what I mean?
So here is to burying the last post in the archives
and looking forward to what's next, whatever and wherever that may be.
This weekend my plan is to finally return all of the wonderful
e-mails, comments, Twitter and Facebook messages that I have received this week,
(can I just say that I have the best blog followers friends ever?)
and to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging self on Monday.
What are you up to this weekend??


October 6, 2012

Life Lately, According To My Third Glass Of Wine...

Yesterday TJ and I took Brutus to a beautiful park. There was a wooden walkway that wrapped around a huge lily pond filled with colorful birds, dozens of ducks and a few turtles wading in the water.

I was so excited that we finally found an area to take the dog to, and I couldn't wait to break out my new camera to explore the outdoor art festival that's being held at the park this weekend.

"Brutty is so happy! We're going to have to start doing this every day after pre-season is over," I thought out loud to my boys.

For some reason our silly bulldog has had just as difficult of a time adjusting here as I have. I've never seen him act so defiant before. He refuses to walk around our apartment complex (to the point where he will lay down stiff and refuse to move if we are more than 10 feet from our stairs) - so it was very comforting to finally find a place where Brutus could enjoy himself and where I could spend some time savoring random conversation with TJ.

When we got back from our walk yesterday I Googled the nearest Target. I suddenly had the urge to go buy nails so that I could finally hang our photos on the walls and begin to make this place feel more like our home.

And that, my friends, is where the pretty story ends.

I've been staring at a blank blog page for the past hour trying to organize the ongoing string of thoughts and emotions that have been pumping through my head and heart since 9 o'clock this morning when TJ came back home from the rink much earlier than he should have.

"What's going on?" I asked him...but he didn't have to tell me, I just knew.

For the past two years I've utilized my blog as a space to express my thoughts and feelings, but with this situation ... I just keep coming up very short with trying to explain something that I can't bring myself to fully understand.

If TJ was told today "You just don't fit well with our organization," or "You just aren't what we were expecting" or hell, at this point I'd even take "Sorry, but you suck," then maybe it'd be easier to accept and put into words ... but being told that he is being released because another married guy is being sent down from the affiliates and he needs our single apartment is just something that I can't wrap my head around.

I've ignored the lockout Twitter rants and hashtags. I've ignored the Facebook posts of friends who are royally PO'ed over the NHL's two week cancellation. I've ignored delving into the articles about the "trickle down effect," and what that could mean for my husband as a veteran.

But just because we tried to ignore the lockout doesn't mean that we could escape it.

And whether I've wanted to admit it or not, I've had those "what if" thoughts 
looming in the back of my mind since before we even left to come down here.

Perhaps those subconscious thoughts are the very things 
that have kept me from allowing myself to feel comfortable here.

Intuition is simply amazing in the grand scheme of things, isn't it?

The remainder of our weekend will be spent packing, placing and returning phone calls, and updating my passport. We've been given until Monday to get our things together and move out of our apartment so that the next couple can move in.

I am trying to remain optimistic.
I'm trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason.

I've been telling myself that perhaps TJ would have broken his arm or 
something drastic and career ending would have happened
if he played here this season.

I understand that TJ is not the first to be affected by the lockout, 
and I know that he certainly won't be the last.

So for now, I'm crossing my fingers and keeping the faith
that every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.


October 4, 2012

What Do You LOVE To Do?

It's so easy to get caught up in the "have to do's" -
the mental check list that begins to dance in my head
before my feet even hit the floor in the morning.

I've spent a lot of time in the past thinking about the things that I could be doing,
but slowly, I'm beginning to believe that maybe my purpose in life
is to do the things that I am already doing -
the things that I always find time to do, even on my busiest days.

These are those things:
1. I love to write.
2. I love to cook dinner and experiment with new recipes.
3. I love to enjoy a hot cup of tea in complete silence.
4. I love to create jewelry and art.
5. I love to network and 'meet' interesting bloggers in different parts of the world.
6. I love to clean my kitchen. (I'm weird, don't judge.)
7. I love to take photographs.
8. I love to take walks with my dog.
9. I love to laugh with my husband.
10. I love to end my nights with a quick call to my little brother to say "I love you."
I'm pretty 'okay' with who I am and where I am right now.
Too many people live their entire lives and never get the chance to say that,
or to ever get the chance to experience doing what they love each day.
So maybe I'm not meant to be a dancer on Broadway.
Not everyone is meant to be an astronaut when they grow up, ya know?
What about you? What do you LOVE to do?


October 2, 2012


Be nice. The world is a small town.
© Kym Fox | Our Fox Tales