October 6, 2012

Life Lately, According To My Third Glass Of Wine...

Yesterday TJ and I took Brutus to a beautiful park. There was a wooden walkway that wrapped around a huge lily pond filled with colorful birds, dozens of ducks and a few turtles wading in the water.

I was so excited that we finally found an area to take the dog to, and I couldn't wait to break out my new camera to explore the outdoor art festival that's being held at the park this weekend.

"Brutty is so happy! We're going to have to start doing this every day after pre-season is over," I thought out loud to my boys.

For some reason our silly bulldog has had just as difficult of a time adjusting here as I have. I've never seen him act so defiant before. He refuses to walk around our apartment complex (to the point where he will lay down stiff and refuse to move if we are more than 10 feet from our stairs) - so it was very comforting to finally find a place where Brutus could enjoy himself and where I could spend some time savoring random conversation with TJ.

When we got back from our walk yesterday I Googled the nearest Target. I suddenly had the urge to go buy nails so that I could finally hang our photos on the walls and begin to make this place feel more like our home.

And that, my friends, is where the pretty story ends.

I've been staring at a blank blog page for the past hour trying to organize the ongoing string of thoughts and emotions that have been pumping through my head and heart since 9 o'clock this morning when TJ came back home from the rink much earlier than he should have.

"What's going on?" I asked him...but he didn't have to tell me, I just knew.

For the past two years I've utilized my blog as a space to express my thoughts and feelings, but with this situation ... I just keep coming up very short with trying to explain something that I can't bring myself to fully understand.

If TJ was told today "You just don't fit well with our organization," or "You just aren't what we were expecting" or hell, at this point I'd even take "Sorry, but you suck," then maybe it'd be easier to accept and put into words ... but being told that he is being released because another married guy is being sent down from the affiliates and he needs our single apartment is just something that I can't wrap my head around.

I've ignored the lockout Twitter rants and hashtags. I've ignored the Facebook posts of friends who are royally PO'ed over the NHL's two week cancellation. I've ignored delving into the articles about the "trickle down effect," and what that could mean for my husband as a veteran.

But just because we tried to ignore the lockout doesn't mean that we could escape it.

And whether I've wanted to admit it or not, I've had those "what if" thoughts 
looming in the back of my mind since before we even left to come down here.

Perhaps those subconscious thoughts are the very things 
that have kept me from allowing myself to feel comfortable here.

Intuition is simply amazing in the grand scheme of things, isn't it?

The remainder of our weekend will be spent packing, placing and returning phone calls, and updating my passport. We've been given until Monday to get our things together and move out of our apartment so that the next couple can move in.

I am trying to remain optimistic.
I'm trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason.

I've been telling myself that perhaps TJ would have broken his arm or 
something drastic and career ending would have happened
if he played here this season.

I understand that TJ is not the first to be affected by the lockout, 
and I know that he certainly won't be the last.

So for now, I'm crossing my fingers and keeping the faith
that every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.



  1. Wow. That sucks. Keep your head up and am sure sometime soon he will be signing with another team. All the best to you.

  2. So sorry to hear about TJ. I know exactly what you are dealing with right now...except my guy actually did break a bone the day before getting released so two locked out NHLers could come. You seem much more calm and rational than I have been! Best of luck on finding a new team!

  3. So sorry Kym, terrible news and it is absolutely the worst feeling. Best of luck to you and TJ figuring out the next step. When it comes to this hockey life, everything happens for a reason even if you don't understand it or see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Keep your chin up! You know you have the love and support from your fellow wives/girlfriends/fiancees!

  4. This is the shitty part about hockey (and every other minor league sport)...I hope TJ can hook on somewhere and you guys land on your feet.

  5. That is really so disheartening. I'm sorry. While new starts are scary, you're no stranger to them and your little family will flourish no matter where your next adventure takes you.

  6. Oh no, I'm so sorry you have to go through that! It's hard to see the reasons for why things like that happen, but I'm sure it will all work out...hang in there! On a happy note, I'm so glad I found your cute blog and I'm now following along :)
    Modern Modest Beauty

  7. I am very sorry Kym. I just want you to know that I appreciate you sharing your story. I am not a hockey wife. I am a fan. But because of you and Hockey Wife, Tales of a Hockey Wife, and other ladies like Rachel McKenna I have faces and stories and sometimes names to go with hockey...the sport and business. And because of you all, every time I read a story or hear comments I think of you and your bulldog or your struggles to maintain health insurance. Or HW having to find a school for Linden. Or Rachel having to pack up her stuff at the drop of a hat and move halfway across the country. And hoping your husband's don't get hurt or cut from the roster.

    You ladies have reminded the world that there are people involved in these "transactions." I can't imagine living with constant change and uncertainty you all do. You guys are strong ladies.

    I just wanted you to know that sharing your story may be helpful for you but it has made an impact on someone else.

  8. I am so sorry this is happening to you. But your outlook is so good. You seem to be handling this well. I know it's tough though. Just know God would never give you something he didn't think you could handle. I feel like this ending may be the beginning of something great!

  9. Hey Kym. I'm really sorry to hear. Just know you're not alone, it's been on my mind as well even before preseason started. On to the next exciting adventure!

  10. So sorry Kym. That really stinks. I know you must hate moving by now so it stinks that you have to pack up again so soon ugh. Hang in there. Hope there is something great around the corner.

  11. Ugh. Kymmy! I have been worrying about this since the news of the lockout broke. Isn't it amazing how him breaking a contract would have been a virtually unforgivable "sin" - but once they decide you're expendable, they just release you like it's nothing? It infuriates me. I've been privy to far too much of the business side of this sport & it's sucked virtually all the fun out of it for me. And as I've befriended the families of some who play this sport for a living, I'm saddened by how much of a bane in the sides of their loved ones their careers are.

  12. Kym, I am so sorry! You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
    I pray for you both to find the strength and faith to know that there is always a plan and that someday you will look back and know that plan and that this was for the best.

    I cannot even begin to imagine how angry, disappointed, unsettled and upset you must feel. I am glad you have each other though and standing side by side, you can face anything that life throws at you.

    Sending you big hugs x

  13. Oh my, I can't imagine having to move again after barely being settled! Hope it all works out in the end.

    The Tiny Heart
    Chicnova giveaway!

  14. New visitor and follower from Kelly's blog!

    I'm so sorry to hear that, that really sucks. You have such a great outlook and attitude about it though, something has got to work out for yall. Best of luck!

  15. I just found your blog from Messy Dirty Hair, and I'm your newest follower! I'm so sorry to hear about all of this mess with the NHL lockout- I've only heard of it in the news and from my husband, but to hear it from you, someone who is experiencing it first-hand? Well that just makes it that much more SUCKY (for lack of a better word.) I really hope that things start falling into place. Everything happens for a reason, right? And sometimes it's near impossible to see that, but I'm praying that it becomes evident for you, and soon. :)

  16. Hi!! New from MDH. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Where will you move to? Hope things fall in to place soon.

  17. Perhaps everything does happen for a reason, either way I am so sorry you have to move. I know how much of a hassle that is.

    I hope that things turn around for you and your family. SO keep your head up! :)

    Xoxo Jessica

    Ps. So glad to be your 600th follower!

  18. keep your head up my dear. everything really really does happen for a reason. i just found your blog from messy dirty hair. i'm your newest fan!! oh and you are a lil stunner by the way, love the wedding pic above x


  19. That just plain sucks. Hope things start looking up!

  20. Ugh, what the...?? That does not sound fun at all. :(
    I hope things get better for you two!
    (New follower via MessyDirtyHair.) :)

  21. I'm so excited to be your newest follower!

  22. I just came over from Kelly's blog where I was smitten with your post. I follow my husband around the world (Army) and I'm Hypoglycemic too! (I assumed that's what the comment about eating every two hours meant) I am sad to visit and find this sad situation, BUT maybe we were all meant to be sent over to give you some extra support. I don't "know" you, but I'm sure you know that we are all kindred spirits and we feel for what you are going through! {{Hugs}}

  23. Hi! I co-hosted the Return the Favor GFC Hop last week and I'm just now getting around to checking everyone's blog out and following them because I was sick. :( Feeling lots better now!

    This post was very eye-opening! When we hear of lock-outs or other things going on in sports, we don't think of how it is affecting families of the players. There is so much more to games being cancelled, it's the livelihood of people that is being affected too. Praying for you guys!


  24. Just found you from Messy.Diry.Hair!! Glad to say I'm your newest follower!! Excited to start stalking!!



  25. So sorry to hear this Kym!! I really hope everything works out for the two of you <3

  26. PS - I stopped by from Messy Dirty Hair <3

  27. Hang in there! The lockout could end and there will be many ECHL teams needing vetran players. The ECHL has such crazy rules for vetrans, US vs. foreign players, etc. Before you know it you will be prepared to live in a city for one season, and four seasons later you will still be there.....It only took us ten hockey seasons to experience it! Remember, when a player is released from a team, they are advertised to all of the other teams! Somewhere, someone is looking at TJ and envisioning him on their team! it is a vicious cycle...soon you will be moving into an apartment that another married couple is being asked to move out of!

  28. Just read this Kym and even though I know it doesn't help, I'm sorry to hear :( One of my really good friends is married to an ex NFL guy and she's been through a lot, which I think is what a lot of people go through who play professional sports.

    I'm thinking and praying for you! And I'm not just saying that ;)

  29. oh wait, it says will be visible after approval. Duh :)

  30. Oh Kym - what an awful situation to be in. We're at the mercy of our company while we are abroad and have had similar things thrown our way. We try to take them in stride but it certainly is hard!


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