September 3, 2013

You Say Bucket List, I Say ...

Inspired by the ever popular "Bucket List", I've decided to create my own list with a twist ... a list of the things that I have no desire to ever do before I die.

1. Go back to college. I've been doing quite alright for myself with this piddly dance degree that taught me no useful skills for the real world.

2. Karaoke. I think that I'm tone deaf and no one has had the heart to tell me yet. The thought of singing in front of a crowd paralyzes me.

3. Film a sex tape. Those things always seem to accidentlyonpurpose get leaked onto the Interwebs.

4. Eat caviar. I'm pretty sure that caviar is just a joke someone pulled to see if they could get rich snobs to eat slime.

5. Take the stairs. Just to get a minuscule amount of exercise? If there is an elevator available, I'm taking it.

6. Go sky diving. I came into this world by someone pulling 'chute too late - I'm sure as hell not going out that way, too. (hi, dad.)

7. Get a boob job. I was obsessed with the idea for a while. But once I realized that my boobs were never, ever going to grow, and I was forced to grow into them instead because I've never had an extra $5,000 kicking around, I've kind of learned to like them.

8. Drink a $100 bottle of wine. The $10 and under bottles do just fine.

9. Be on Survivor. Truth be told, the narcissist in me really used to want to be on TV. But now? Now, I'd die in six hours if I didn't eat. And if I didn't die of starvation, I'd die from being killed off because I whined too much.

10. Beg for other's approval. I've spent the better part of my life learning to like and love myself. I don't have that kind of time for judgmental people.

In a comment below, tell me:

What's on your list? 


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  1. Love it. And love the cheap wine... After I'm a bottle deep, I can't taste the difference anyway!

  2. What a fantastic and funny list! I'm with you on that whole sky diving thing. Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane?!

  3. Agree on the wine! It's squashed grapes what really makes it cost $100s?

  4. Love the list. With you on the sky diving...the thought alone freaks me out eek!

  5. Hilarious list! It is always good to know what you don't like!

  6. Haha this is great! I agree on most of these things!

  7. bahaha! this is genius! and you can count me out for the expensive wine. sorry, can't taste the difference. at all.

  8. Oh that image!!! too hysterically funny!
    I may agree with all of them except the one I have already done - yes, this gal had a boob job before her wedding. And I loved it!! x

  9. I definitely read this the wrong way at first and I was like oooooh a sex tape huh? Then I went back and figured it out. I'm dumb.


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